Off-kilter

Two months ago, when most people I know (and a lot of people I don't) were feeling unsettled and struggling with cabin fever plus the uncertainty of a certain virus, I found my calling. Extroverted-introvert me was delirious with joy at not having to disappoint friends because I had the lovely excuse of self-quarantine/social distancing. I didn't have to deal with strangers shouting at me to do this and that or trying to get my attention for one reason or the other. I didn't have to run around to do all the activities I keep adding to my roster because the government had shut them down. My routine consisted of getting up, doing yoga plus one other exercise depending on the day, shower, work, lunch, work some more, afternoon exercise, then free time. I had loads of time to chat with my language exchange groups throughout the day, randomly call my family and friends, read books, watch a few videos here and there, the possibilities were endless! My inner geek was satisfied with all the tools we had to learn to use for teaching online and working from home. Sometiems, I cooked lunch for me and my flatmate. I started organizing photos in my hard drive, came up with a study plan for Spanish, and I even cleaned our apartment a few times. Apart from my roomie, I only saw two friends and spent an hour and a half with each of them at the most once a week. Life was simple.

I, however, am one of the lucky residents of Vietnam. Social distancing eased up on April 23rd, businesses slowly opened up and I went back to the office on the 13th of May. Once again, I've become busy Angela with an equally busy calendar. I have to get used anew to frenetic Saigon. My insides in a knot when a stranger touches me, when another bike is too close to me, when more than one thing needs my attention. I, who have never been at breathing in the first place, need to learn how to breathe in a different way. Things at work are OK, but could be better. I have to deal with disappointment and be on my guard. I lost my equanimity.  

I went away for a few days to unwind, slow down and untangle my thoughts. However, I'm still a bit lost and I'm still feeling off center but a bit more hopeful. I don't feel close to my usual Pollyanna slash Mary Poppins positivity but I'll get there. I always do.