How much of you is you?

A friend asked me if I consider my anxieties and my personality separate things. And for more than a week I’ve been been letting thoughts percolate in my head. Some anxious, some not.

This was my initial answer, “I don’t think we’re one-dimensional you see. We’re like the ocean. Ever-changing, with lots of different sea creatures and weather affects us, too.”

Hah. I love analogies. Anyone who has read my previous blog posts or listen to me wax sentimental know this as a fact. But really. Some things are nature, nurture and all the things in between.

If we go into the dictionary definition of personality, then it can be defined as a characteristic way of thinking, feeling and behaving. We express these in the way we interact with others along with our moods, attitudes and opinions. Some we might exhibit from birth, such as being fussy or being quiet, being cheerful or being sulky when thwarted. But then nurture steps in and we may have caregivers who coddle, neglect or support us. No matter how we’re cared for though, trust and fear of the world slowly takes shape.

For example, why is it that one like me, who for the most part has always been accepting and accepted, is so fearful of rejection and being displaced? Was it my sister’s fault for not letting me kiss and hug her when she was a child herself? Did it start when a best friend I’d chosen turned out to already have another in that role?  Sometimes, there’s no clear rhyme or reason for the monsters under our bed. Whether they are biological or physiological, or a combination of both, I don’t think it should define us.

What I do know though, is that even as I accept my anxieties as part and parcel of the current version of me; I cannot and will not let myself be 100 per cent anxiety. Come on, even rocks can transform and undergo a variety of processes! 

We accept, we grow, we’re in a constant state of reinvention. And as always, we grow more into the person who we really are - if we’re willing.

So, dear friend, I’m not altogether sure if this fully answers your questions or if I’ve just completely bungled it up by digressing and rambling. But for now, these are the thoughts the sea has allowed me to write. 

Until next time. Perhaps tomorrow, the next day, or the next year. More of Angela’s thoughts coming your way.